Passed Away

Time is a fickle thing. Sometimes it takes forever for a second. Like when you are waiting for a bad day in work to end and that clock just won't hit the time for you to go home. Then there is the time you spend with a loved one that wants you to keep singing that, "Time in a Bottle," song.

I remember waiting for a movie to come in the theater so I could go see it and now it is on DVD. I saw the movie, ate the popcorn, and now there it is on sale already.

I am no Al Einstein, but my time and space does not seem to match any mathematical equation I know of. Like now I am sitting here writing and time is dragging on. Then I will finish, go to sleep and I time travel. I wake up hours later after some episodes of dream sequences flash on by. While I slept some poor guy on the late night third shift is wondering when his night will end. His long night and my seemingly seconds of sleep do not match up correctly as far as time goes. Time does not stop when I close my eyes but why does it seem to go faster?

Time to say Happy New Year. Funny it seems like I just said it a year or so ago!

Whew!

Christmas is finally over, unless you are Russian anyway. I was reflecting about my holiday and it went pretty well. I put a few presents on my porch and they were stolen. I do this every year. I live in a rough neighborhood and usually put some toys and stuff on my porch and wait until they get stolen. I use to give the toys to the Marines but then one year I left them on the porch and poof they were gone. Since then that is what I do. I figured out that if someone has to steal toys they needed them more that the Marine kids. So every year I put them out there and I know some poor kid got something for Christmas.

My friend got her daughter a Hannah from Montana wig. The child put it on and waved her head around like a rock singer until she got a headache. Then she took off the wig and combed it. You cannot comb or brush those wigs. The wig ended up looking like the hair on a fan after a fun night with the band. Her daughter felt really bummed but her birthday is Jan. 2 so we got her a replacement wig.

Got lots of left over food from my friends and family so I don't have to grocery shop for a good week. My nieces and nephews make sure I get the leftovers their mom cooks. Their mom, my sister, likes to experiment with dressing and pies. Unfortunately her experimentations lack the life Frankenstein had. So I sort of do them a favor by taking the leftovers. They really appreciate that.

Hope you all have a happy New Year too!

Giggles

I was bouncing around today and went over to a couple of my friends homes. My friends grandchild is a little over 1 year and he was laughing and admiring the tree. My other friends grandchild is under 1 year and she was laughing at a dancing little Christmas character with a fuzzy white hat. I felt all happy inside and had the thought that a child's laughter is what made that star glow so bright on Christmas eve. My own grandchildren fill my many cups of good cheer all year round. That is all. I just wanted to share some giggles for Christmas. Hope you hear a lot yourself.

What Holiday?

Is an ecard for the holidays OK to send to friends or is it more proper to send ones thru the mail, in envelopes, with stamps, better? I said, "Happy Holidays," to some one today and they were offended. They wanted a specific holiday greeting. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah or whatever country they are from that they are celebrating and their special religion. What is this political correctness stuff all about during the holidays? Now Seinfeld started Festivis, what is that all about and do I have to acknowledge that too? So with all this holiday confusion I have, why is just saying, "Happy Holidays," all of a sudden is not enough? The problem is with the calenders. We need a calender that has all the holidays for all the countries and all the religions listed so we know what to say and when. Maybe I could say, "Have a good day," and leave it at that. I could say, "Happy Unspecific Holiday." I like the holidays though and will probably keep saying, "Happy Holidays," and risk the negative feed back.

What is your holiday? Whatever it is I hope you have a happy one.

Bubble Gum

I have a sister that once wrote a letter to a bubble gum company that she bought a defective bubble gum. When she took the packaging off the gum she found it had a dent in it. The bubble gum looked deformed to her. So she re wrapped the gum, wrote a letter to the gum company and sent them the dented defective piece of bubble gum. The bubble gum company wrote her back apologized and sent her a whole box of bubble gum. We had enough bubble gum for almost a whole year. Unfortunately it also sent her on a quest. Ever since then whenever she gets a defective or bad product she writes to the company and hopes to get an apology and some product back. It has gotten to the point that she just sent back a package of paper napkins because they were wrinkled. She sent back a pizza because the box was flimsy and I think you get the picture. The monster was thus created and let loose.

Don't get me wrong I think it is great to complain about some things and I am proud that she does. The wrinkled napkins did kind of make me wonder. Have you a monster that was created in your house that has left it's cave?

Try Me

I have been having a great time Christmas shopping. I like going to the toy areas in all the stores. They have these great toys that have buttons that say, "Try Me." I love these things and push them all the time. Sometimes I get 3 or 4 going at once. Sure, I get funny looks from most of the adults, but the kids think it is great. Problem is which toy has the least amount of pushed buttons. I would hate to get one of these toys home and find out the button no longer works. So I pick the toy in the middle and leave the one out front to stay as the "Try Me" toy. I think more stuff should have "Try Me" buttons or some sort of way to be able to try a product before you buy it. I did get scared once by one of these toys. I bought one and when I got home the house was dark and I put down the bag to get the light. They toy went off and I thought someone was in the house and I yelled, "Hey who is there and what are you doing in my house?" I got the light on and no one was there; then I realized what had happened. Still, I like these toys. How about you?

YES

YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!

Amazing

I am having a heck of a blogging experience. I had to go thru a few new passwords and emails but hopefully I am back. This is just a little note to let you know I did not forget to blog, just could not get to it. The good news is I lost 20 lbs. I celebrated by having a double double pizza from Pizza Hut. Now I only lost about 18 lbs. Hey! What can I say old habits die hard. I am walking a mile a day. Then going back to sleep because I am depressed about my blog and cannot seem to solve this problem. My next blog will be a YES! If this post makes it and I can post my YES in celebration.

Simply Chumly too!

Seems like there is a little computer glitch and I ended up with two Simply Chumly Blogs. It had something to do with my password which seems to have pass worded on.
So hopefully you will get my continuing blog. So say hello if you want to so I know where you are. Me I am right here confused, never lost, but very bewildered.

Rewrite

I did not like my last post. I am not trying to sell anything just inform but still, I just did not like it. I am not a salesperson. I tried being a drug and alcohol counselor but felt funny charging a fee to help people. So I just do it for free and only if someone asks. Before that I tried to sell drugs but after I got them I would horde them and not tell anyone, so I decided to get sober because it was getting expensive.

I was watching the Last Book of Nostradamus and it seems that the anti-Christ will be born in the dark rift under the sign of Ophiuchus between Scorpio and Sagittarius. That is the 13 sign in Astrology. I was worried but realized I was born in October under Libra so the world is safe with me.

I also read a post that got me thinking about writing. Do people write better or worse when under pressure or a dead line. What is your opinion? Deadlines do get people to write. Me! I just like to do it when the mood suits me and I have fun at it. I'd starve if I had to do it for a living. I wrote one book and it took me 54 years. It took me 25 years to graduate college but only 4 to graduate High School. It almost took 5 but some of the teachers, like my French teacher, promised me if I would not take French III they would pass me. It took me 25 years because I was working, raising a family and going to school. Plus I drank and did a lot of drugs and went to and equal number of concerts. I was in the Coast Guard for 4 years at one point and that was a bit of a break. Anyway after 25 years I graduated with my nephew and the school told me I would graduate if I promised to not sign up for any more classes.

Such is life!

A Simply Chumly Gift For You

The title of this blog "A Simply Chumly Gift For" You is also the title of the book I just wrote and published. You can get it by checking out the AuthorHouse.com link. Type in Simply Chumly in the book section and there it will be. Or just read my blog because that is basically what I published, excerpts from this blog. So I just saved you a few bucks which also means I'll never be rich, oh well.

Anyway, here I sit with 5 and 1/3 pounds of Tootsie Rolls and not one halloweener showed up. I put out a sign Treats for Tricks. Some guy came by looking for hookers. Then I saw a few kids with costumes and yelled, "Hey I got Candy." The policeman was nice but told me I could not yell at the kids and try to attract them like that. So no treats were given out.

Sigh!

The up side is that I really like Tootsie Rolls.

Beep beep beep

It is raining out and my friends are out, sick or busy. My little apartment looks smaller for some reason today and there is nothing I want to see in the movies. So I decided to make a pizza. I took out my little tray of frozen tomatoes, cheese and sauce that is in the form of a round frozen pizza and popped it in the oven. Then I decided to check up on the blogs on my computer. Well one blog led to another and I got into reading what was going on in the blog world. Then all of a sudden I hear the beep beep beep of my smoke alarm going off. The pizza was done. Done and smoking.

I turned off the oven and fanned the smoke away from my alarm. Finally after 2 or 3 minutes it stopped. My neighbors came over because they heard the alarm, the walls are thin in this apartment, and were concerned. I explained the over done pizza and they seemed satisfied, and a little annoyed, with my false alarm.

It was fun. I got the company I needed for a little while and enjoyed my over done treat. Do you have fun with your smoke alarms too?

Across the Universe

Sometimes we come across the universe; fall into memory worm holes in time and space that take us back to times forgotten thru sights and sounds which bring forward to the minds eye the realities of the past. This happens when we watch a simple thing like a movie.

We live in a world where we can now watch our past be filmed, restored, transcribed and reintroduced into our worlds that were once lived and almost forgotten. Not too far ago man relied on his memory and told stories of things adults experienced before the birth of children. The children used their imagination and transported themselves into a fantasy past on newly paved roads of words spoken by past lives.

So today this tradition still exists but is backed up by films and recordings that are as real as rain falling on the sensitivity of ones skin.

The various ages in the seats sit before the passing images of light produced and transported by an invention called film. No film can flicker in the realities of the past events that arise in minds that are pushing aside cobwebs of "I remember" and creating pathways which are being freshly trodden by youth.

One leaves behind an amen once the theater is exited and the tangled nurons of the mind begin to reset and form the humdrum of the present. These moments of life remind us that we have crossed the universe in a darken room with flashing life images then have come back and may or not be pleased with its ending.

A thought of pot should be legal for movies like this may flash across advertisements and reflections which are also peppered with thoughts of hugs and love smoldering through out after brain residues in romantic idealism.

Speed Limited

I finally hit the speed limit of my life. I turned 55 and I am ready to enter the fast lane of life. Well maybe not the real fast lane. I noticed I drive slower when behind the wheel of my car. I even have slowed down on my motorcycle and have been enjoying the scenery more and more. So maybe I am just enjoying the speed limit. I have been working out and have increased my speed on that bike I have been riding that goes no where. That is the thing about riding those exercise bikes they get a bit boring because they do not move and there is not much to see. I enjoy walks better because I get to see trees and tiny furry animals running around. I have been noticing people who drive and are talking on their cell phones more and more. One guy was on his phone and ran a red light. Well half way. He realized he was running the light, stopped halfway thru the light backed up and then hit the car behind him. Another lady was stopped at a light. The light changed from green to red to green to red and back to green. People started to beep their horns at her. She rolled down the window and yelled, "Hey! I'm on the phone here". So then people drove around her. I thought maybe her car was broken, but then she finally drove when the light changed again to red and was on her way. I wonder sometimes about people.

Hello!

Just felt like saying Hello! Hola! Bonjour! and Howdy!

This feels like one of those, "It is going to be a good day today days." The last time I felt like this I was on cloud nine and decided to go to a local fair ground and see a demolition derby and check out some horses, cows, goats and eat lots and lots of fair junk foods. Junk foods is kind of a false statement. At fairs I eat corn, chicken, and a lot of homemade foods. The corn is my favorite. The corn people BBQ it in its natural state, then peel it when it is done and dip it in butter. Fine healthy treat I think. I had a great time and met some people I have not seen in a long time. Then after the shows I decided to go home and found out I parked in a restricted spot and ended up paying $169.00 in fines and almost got my car towed. My side view mirror got broken for some reason too!

This is what confuses me when I have one of those feeling that it is going to be a good day today. Do you have good feelings about a day and does that day turn out good or bad for you?

I do like the good feeling, but I just get anxious what the reality results will end up being.

Nutrition

I have a nutritionist. She is not happy when I visit her. My idea of foods that I think are healthy are a bit different from hers. My idea of fruit is the fruit that is baked in a pie or in ice cream like a banana split. She thinks fresh fruit is what I should eat. We settled on fruit cups. I was using the powered slim fast until she found out I was using chocolate milk instead of non-fat or skim to mix it up.

It is not her fault. I just have a hard time understanding how to eat right. I was brought up by a mother that loved to bake and cook. She was a food pusher and to her a snack or food treat eased every mental and physical pain imanagable.

I understand that one must eat right to stay healthy and I am trying to change my eating habits. It just is not as easy as I thought. I am not so excited about cooking as my mom was. I just got used to having someone cook for me that I never really bothered to cook for myself. Then I got married and my wife fell into the same trap and well, lets just say that when my mother cooked she fed the whole neighborhood.

After my mom passed my wife and I went our seperate ways. I think my mom's cooking kept us together longer than we should have, and that is another story.

New Neighbor

I am getting a new neighbor. My old neighbor moved away and I think she got married or something. I went on vacation and when I got back she was gone. I was working on my computer and I noticed a new woman in the apartment next door. She was cleaning and getting ready to move in. My man antennae was up and I had to stop and look out the window to satisfy my male curiosity. It is strange how I can sense a new woman in the neighborhood. It like sensing rain or just knowing something is going on but not knowing just what it is. I wonder if women have this same sense when a new man is around? Something inside me just awakens. Then there is the excitement and expectations of that first meeting. I almost ran out and introduced myself but I was right in the middle of a paragraph and I had to finish it first. It was too late by then and she was gone. I have to write shorter sentences in the future. I like this feeling. She is kind of pretty too. I am short and look 9 or 10 months with child. I am beginning to work out but maybe she will see me as a safe fat guy. That would be OK. I just want to be a friendly neighbor for now. Plus she looks young enough to be my daughter. Come to think of it all the women I noticed lately seem young enough to be my daughter. What is up with that? Where are all the women my age anyway? Are all women over 50 in hiding or do they notice me and really do hide? Whatever. I dream of getting a bigger apartment. The first thing I will get is a cat. The women will have to wait. Nice to be friendly though and being friendly is what I am looking forward to with my new neighbor. Who knows maybe she likes to cook and I'll get a free meal now and then. Now that is something to look forward to.

Blocked Ears

I ride a motorcycle. The wind blows thru my hair and I do not get earaches. I ride in a convertible and I do not get blocked ears. I ride with my window down in my Chevy Blazer and now I cannot hear. Why? What in the rides is different that caused my ears to get shut down?

I went to the Doc and he gave me medicine to help but I am pretty much deaf. I noticed I am calmer for some reason. Is it because I cannot hear traffic noises or children screaming or other audible distractions that occur when I have normal hearing? Does this mean that deaf people are more mellow than people that can hear?

I was with a friend the other day and he was working on a car. He had problems and was cursing the car, the tools and anything else he could curse when things went badly for him. I could not really hear him and I kind of liked it because I did not feed off his anger. It felt kind of good. I had coffee with him and his wife later on and they had an argument but I just sat there and enjoyed the coffee because I could hardly hear what was going on. I really enjoyed their company that day.

It has been kind of hot and I have a loud air conditioner. With these blocked ears I can hardly hear the air conditioner noises and I am sleeping better and am enjoying the cooler apartment more.

So in a way, my failure to put the windows up in the car and getting blocked ears turned out not to be so bad. So sometimes when bad things happen they can turn out pretty good!

Novena

Summer time I get a little lazy writing. I have been fishing in that boat I wrote about.

Anyway.

Summer time is also Novena time. Where I live there is a church, Basilica, that has a 10 day Novena. For those of you who do not know what a Novena is let me explain.

It is mostly to give old people that are close to death something to do for the next 10 days. If they survive the 10 days, they get to pray and get right with God so they can get to heaven safely. A novena usually has a Saint that is good at getting one into heaven and grants a few miracles. Although praying for the miracle of winning the lottery or winning at the local casino is not recommended but still people pray to win.

Some of the activities at the novena is of course praying and going to church. Then there are the dinners the church provides, the bus trip to get to the novena and there are candles to light and religious articles to buy. The nuns even make special bread and sell it. You get to go to confession, talk to a priest and tell him your sins and stuff, and meet a lot of other old people that have the same ailments and socialization is a big part of the novena.

The priests practice all year round doing their sermons and only the best priests get to win the honor of being the preacher for those special novena days. Usually the jokes they have are pretty good that they incorporate into their sermons. Then at the end of the novena you get the special blessing of the Saint the novena is about.

The novena is held outside, during good weather, and the little children have fun rolling around in the grass and eating Popsicles they get from the food stands.

So there it is, for 10 days you can eat, get fresh air and make arrangements to get into heaven. Parking is plentiful and you can buy a brick, put your name on it and be part of the holy walkway to get to the novena. It's fun to find your brick and show your friends too just where your brick on the walkway is.

Boat Repair

I bought myself a new old boat and trailer. Old in the sense it was made in 1978, new in the sense I never owned it before. It is an aluminum row boat and does not have one leak. The previous owners took excellent care of it. The boat trailer, well that is another story. The wheels are good, but it needed new lights and some of the trailer parts were dry rotted and had to be replaced. I had the idea to glue, instead of drilling holes, in order to attach a cleat to hold my anchor rope. Unfortunately I am not good with glue and got it on my shirt, arms, pants, face and hands. It was good glue because after I was done I drove my car and my hands stuck to the steering wheel. Only a little skin came off when I wrenched my hands free.

The anchor is an old HC fruit drink can filled with concrete. So it isn't very heavy but just good enough to hold the boat in place. Except when it is windy. Still fishing is fun for me and I am not big on catching much just enjoying the day. The oars were a little beat up. Half the paddles were missing on each oar and they were kind of dry and warped. So I decided to replace them. I was given an old electric motor with it and man I never saw anything like this thing. It is small and has a picture of Edison on it. It does work and gets me around though. Then I noticed that the car battery that was used with it did not keep the charge long. I may replace that.

Finally I got some old pants and turned them into shorts to fish in. Old things are fun to do new things to them. Any new old projects in your life?

The brick in the wall

Did you ever watch one of those movies that enraptures you, takes you over and you forget the outside world. The movie 'The Wall' and that Pink Floyd music does that to me. The main thing is this movie makes me think and hits upon some points that have risen in my life like swords that have given me pain and pillows that have given me rest. There is a lot I do not understand, that is in the movie, but isn't that what life is. A series of questions that are never fully answered but give just enough insight to ask more questions and seek those ever elusive answers.

Yep! Once in awhile a movie comes along that does that to me. I am sure you have a movie that has done that to you. This is a good thing to get our brains refreshed with ideas and insights that need our attentions. It is good to be in awe for awhile and sit back and suck in all that the movie can offer. It is better when the movie is over and there is that hunger for more. Not a sequel but the time to get into ourselves and our existence and savor the electrical impulse in our minds that have awakened and given life to our souls.

The Wall does this to me when I watch it.

Those Sandra Bullock and Robin Williams movies do something to me too, but it is best I don't get into them just now. I enjoy them in a very very different way.

Cows

I had a hamburger the other day and I began to think about cows. One of my thoughts were, "I wonder how many places sell hamburgers in the United States? How many McDonalds, Burger Kings and just restaurants are there out there?" Then I went even further in my mind and expanded them to the world. Then I remembered the cattle mutilations that the aliens do and had to expand my question into the universe. Let us not forget the supermarkets that sell hamburger and other food for sale places. This led me to believe that a lot of people eat hamburger. Thus we must kill a lot of cows every day just for hamburger. Where do these unfortunate cows come from? How big is this cow Holocaust anyway? What really boggled my mind was that ad I saw on TV that said 100% cow hamburger beef! Is it really 100%? Then I thought about chickens and how many places served them and sold them in market places. Does the earth really have enough cows and chickens to feed us forever? How do those chickens get passed breakfast? All those scrambled, boiled and easy over eggs, when are they born?

Somehow the math does not add up. If we eat that many cows and chickens, how are they surviving to make more. If the lucky ones live to have sex to make more chickens and cows don't they die from too much sex?

So beware! Are we really eating those cows and chickens or maybe just maybe that Solient Green movie isn't so far off. Maybe we are eating ground up people hamburger. Nah! Chicken wise no way. After all not many humans I know have those little wings and drumsticks growing out of their elbows or where ever they would grow on a human. The hamburger? That I wonder about though.

Together with oneself

Did you ever feel alone when you are with people by yourself? This happens to me sometimes. I am with people but feel I am isolated from them even though I am sitting with them at the same kitchen table. This feeling often arises when I am with couples and I am uncoupled and with no one but me. Sometimes the couples are fighting with each other or one couple is fighting and me and the other couple are watching and listening and sometimes no one is really talking and that thunderous silence is storming around the kitchen. Even with all that happening I still feel outside and not really present with others sometimes. I do have conversations with all the people there, but feel more comfortable petting the dog or cat that happens to live in the home I am visiting. Little babies and kids are good because I don't really have to converse or seem intelligent with them. All I have to do is pay them a little attention and they are happy.

I do like being with people. I like parties when there are a lot of people around because I like to watch and listen to what is going on and I like all the distractions that are happening all at once.

When it finally comes down to it, I guess I could be happy by myself in a space station out in outer space also. I like my solitude and my time alone. I am a good hermit at times but I do like having a pet around. I am better with cats but a friendly ol mutt is fun to have around.

I would not be good being famous and have 'groupies' and 'people' around me. I probably would feel more isolated having to deal with hang around crowds.

Fortunately I am just me with a pleasant number of good friends. Even though I feel like I do sometimes, those times with my friends in their kitchen are still the best no matter how I feel.

Under it

I have not been writing because I am feeling a little under the weather. Which is ok because not too many people visit me anyway. So it you do not see any recent posts for awhile, sorry. I will be back when I get back on my feet. Nothing serious just dealing with some down time stuff. Thanks

Cake

Having a craving for cake. Just a big ol' hunk of cake any kind. Chocolate, marble, angel, or whatever. I just want cake.

I have been meeting nice people lately. I met a great waitress at my local Chinese Buffet place. She was super nice and had a great smile the whole time I was there. As a matter of fact I have been eating out a lot lately and have met some great waitresses. Waitresses seem to be the unsung hero's in life. My sister was a waitress. When I went to visit her at her place of work she would not serve me until I told her what kind of tip she was getting. Sometimes I'd have to give her the tip first. I did not mind. I thought it was kind of funny. She was a terrific waitress. No complaints. I brought a lot of my friends in and she did the same thing to them. She was a hit with my buddies. She was no nonsense and they appreciated that. She went on to become a teacher and got a lot of respect from her students.

Have you met anyone special lately. Let me know. Sometimes meeting strangers turn into friendships. That seems to be rare today.

Salute

I went to the VA Hospital in Philadelphia to have an eye operation. My doctor did a great job. So did the anesthesiologist, nurses and other staff members. I salute them. They are the people we don't mention often that take care of us Vets. Plus as one other patient said after his operation, "That pretty Asian Doctor did a good job."

We have come so far, but still stop at those stereotypes once in awhile. We don't entirely see the person as a doctor, but a black, white, Asian, Russian, Indian or whatever color or nationality is represented, individual. I guess that is human nature.

It reminds me of the story of a guy in New York City. He sees a pretty Asian woman. He goes up to her and asks, "How do you say Hello in your language?" She looks at him and says, "Hello!" Then ads, "I was born in America as were my parents and grandparents."

My doctor is pretty though. So where all the other members of her staff. Yes! All were female, another stereotypical subject, and I felt I was in an operating room full of angels. So much so that I am thinking of hurting my other eye, just to get them to operate on me again.

12/21/2012

I was watching the History Channel and it seems a lot of people who predict the future think that that is when the world is going to end. Which makes me believe that 12/20/2012 is going to be a very busy and different day. One thing anyone can predict is that, if the world does not end on 12/21/2012 then a lot of babies will probably be born after 8/21/2013.

The world has been predicted to have ended already a few times. We are still here. Yet, one day the world will end and the person who predicts it will never get to say, "I told you so." So why bother to predict something you cannot possibly cash in on?

Some of the signs I will be looking for that the world will end are:

Cows stop giving milk and no ice cream will be made. All of a sudden everything on TV will be reruns. No one will be buying Christmas presents until after 12/21/2012.
All the planets will line up with the sun and the planets larger than the sun will block out the sunlight so the smaller planets won't get any light for awhile. All credit will be canceled and all debts will have to be paid by the beginning of December 2012. All New Year Celebrations for the year 2013 will be canceled.

I'd like to write more but due to the limited time left, I decided I got a few things to take care of in case the world does end on 12/21/2012. or 12/21/12 notice it is all 12. The middle 12 is reversed. Maybe that is a sign that the prediction can be reversed also.

What do you think. What will be a sign the world will end for you?

Live for real!

Sometimes I think everyone is their own live TV show. They just don't realize it because there is no audience or laugh track. There seems to be plenty of advertisements though.

Everyday we live on a script some people say "Fate" has written for us. All we have to do is just go along with what happens. Most of the time things that do happen are not planned anyway. Not in my life. Even when I plan things about 80 or 90% of what I planned really happens and that is a high estimate. Usually the percentage is much much lower than that. Basically we are great at improvisations and winging it thru life. I guess what I am trying to say is we all know the script is constantly changing.

We have it all too. Drama, comedy, romance, or whatever script you can imagine. Sometimes we are our own documentaries too. That is what I call reflection.

Those advertisements I was talking about is when we need things like food, clothing, and shelter. That is when our mind goes thru a list of things we want, need, or just crave like chocolate.

I like to think the people we meet are like our guest stars or supporting cast and we also have our villians too, even though we don't want them.

The daily script usually plays out and we go to bed hoping that the curtain of death does not end or cancel our show.

If this isn't a sign I have been watching too much TV then I don't know what is?
Now if I can just figure out how to change the channel when something goes wrong, my life will be a hit.

No notes needed.

Sometimes I get an idea on what I want to write about but I am too busy at the time to blog. So I depend on my memory and later on when I have time to write. The memory is gone. You would think I should have learned by now. What I do is write the whole blog in my mind, file and store it and somehow it gets deleted in time.

I had an idea about the reason we see less and less UFO's is because maybe the Aliens have a gas shortage or fuel problem and it is too expensive to visit planet Earth as much as they wanted. Then I had some ideas on death and then those ideas died with a few of my brain cells.

Those stories I have made up in my mind just sounded so good at the time I thought they would never leave. They unfortunately do and seem to never return.

Is it old age? I blame everything on getting older. This is starting to wear off. Just because I age doesn't mean I have to deteriorate in my brain all the time. I should give my brain some credit. It has gotten me this far.

How far is far? At the starting line of life, at birth, the race began. I just forget where the finish line is and why the heck am I running anyway. So I like to sit an rest once in awhile and relax. Then that old competitive spirit comes leaking in my brain and says, "Hey, get up and run before you lose the race of life."
Then I get up and start running blindly thru life again.

Well that's it. This is what I thought to write about. Next time I'll try to take notes and try to write something better. How do you get inspired?

U.F.O

I had a UFO happen to me the other day. That is an Unforeseen Frantic Occurrence.
I was in a doctors office and was getting ready for a procedure to be done on me. I had my x-rays done, blood tests etc. all done. The last thing I had to do was see Charlie, the nurse who was suppose to do the last test on me. Nothing important just measure my eyes for the cataract procedure that was to be done on me. Dr. Darlene told me to sit in a chair and wait for Charlie; he would be right out. After a few minutes Charlie came out smiled at me while he waved to the other nurses in the hallway then disappeared.

After a few more minutes I felt kind of strange sitting there. Another nurse was passing and I asked her, "Where did Charlie go?" "Charlie?", she thoughtfully repeated then said "Oh, Charlie just left to get married and he won't be back until a week from now."

I then kind of panicked and made what one would be considered a "scene" as I jumped up and yelled, "What? He is suppose to measure my eyes for the operation that is to be done before he gets back." The nurse looked shocked and told me to run out to the receptionist to see if she could catch Charlie for me. So I ran down the hall and bashed thru some doors and pounded on the receptionist desk saying, "I need Charlie".

Alas Charlie was well on his way to his honeymoon. Then at the height of my anguish and mind filled with thoughts of now what do I do. Dr. Darlene showed up and patted me on the back and said, "Sorry, there is another Charlie. He is not getting married and well, I forgot there were two Charlie's that worked in the same department.

I did meet the real Charlie and everything was measured and I am ready to get fixed up. It was also true this Charlie was not getting married or going on a honeymoon. He told me 3 or 4 times to reassure me.

Such was my Unforeseen Frantic Occurrence. Does this happen to others? Or is it just me living in the outer space of these U.F.O'S.

Elevator Shafted

Got stuck in an elevator today with 8 other people. It was on my 100 things to do before I die list.

I never did get stuck on an elevator. I've seen it in comedy sketches and I along with most of the other people took it in as kind of funny. One guy was in a panic and kept saying he was afraid of being stuck in small places. Which was strange because just before we entered the elevator he was telling every one how he was a sailor in a nuclear submarine and would go three months at a time without surfacing. So when he all of a sudden was afraid of being stuck in a well lit elevator for 30 minutes or so, questions arose in my mind about his submarine stories.

One woman was afraid because she was late for work the day before, and was on her cell phone trying to convince he boss she would be late again today because she was stuck in an elevator. Another woman was told her car was going to be towed unless she got to the garage to try to prevent it. She was kind of a panic and yelling into her phone, "Don't tow my car, I'm stuck in an elevator". Then she held up her phone and we all start shouting, yes it's true she is stuck in an elevator with us.

I tried to lighten up the crowd and started a game. If you were stuck in an elevator who would you want to be stuck with. I said Sandra Bullock, to start it off. Everyone looked at me and it got kind of quiet and no one else played. Then someone else had the idea the doors were going to open and someone was going to say we were punked. One older gentleman said he read his horoscope and it said he was going to be on CNN. He imagined the doors would open and a camera crew would be there.

We took inventory of our stuff. I had bought two pair of shorts so and we had extra clothes. One lady had a bottle of water and another person had a bag with 2 subway sandwiches in it. Then there was a book someone else had so we had something to read. Plus we had pens and the ladies had all kind of stuff in their purses so we seemed to be in pretty good shape. This all took about 20 minutes.

Then for about 15 minutes someone banged on the outside doors of the elevator, which caused the elevator to shake and stuff.

Finally the doors were forced open and 2 policemen a paramedic and two elevator workers freed up. They asked if we were OK, took our names and gave us a number if we developed any elevator trauma later in the day as a result of our elevator ordeal. One woman turned to me and said, "By the way, I'm Sandra Bullock." She made my day.

This all happened at the VA hospital in Philadelphia. So if you call them they will confirm this story. Well thats another adventure recorded and passed on to you to be remembered or not and logged into your, "useless information file in the library in your mind".

Antioxidants

Well here we go being anti again. First it was anti bacon and greasy foods because of heart disease. Which is good, someone is looking after our health. Now it is antioxidants.

What are oxidants and why are they bad? Unfortunately oxidants are waiting to happen. Everyday there are oxidants. Big oxidants and small oxidants. Oxidants can happen in the home, at work, in school and everywhere. Oxidants happen to the young and old and all nationalities and races. In every country in every nook and cranny of the world there are oxidants. The big thing is banning them from our drinks. I have seen bottles and bottles of fitness water advertising there are no oxidants in these drinks.

Wait a minute. They say there are antioxidants in their drinks? Are they saying that there is something in the water that would make us anti against oxidants? What next? Could they now make food that would make us be anti against other things because they got away with putting anti stuff in our drinks?

I may have to rethink this. In the mean time be careful what you drink it may bring you anti-think against something or someone you know.

Ad not!

Sometimes I wonder about ads on TV. I mean how could I trust having a credit card that my elephant can take and charge things with it. I mean how secure would that card be. If they did not question the elephants purchases, how hard would it be for a person to use it without my consent?

Then there is Jesus and God. I only mention this because it is Passover and Easter and the time of year when God, is kind of on everyones mind. It seems that some people get angry about reading or seeing the words "In God we Trust or one nation under God.

Yet!

A lot of comedy is done about Jesus and God on the Daily Show or Conan O'Brian. (It was kind of funny when the Easter Bunny was tasered by those priests and Jesus was eating the chocolate bunny ears). The Jesus jokes and stuff make people laugh. I guess God and Jesus have a sense of humor. Forgive the comic for he does not know he jokes about. The world is still here, sometimes, a couple of hurricanes and overly big waves are Gods answer for a bad joke or two.

You can take God out of politics but you can't take God out of comedy, or so it seems. Which is good. Therefore I guess we need God not only in church but in a few joke books too. I'm sure there is some humor in the Bible. I always thought Adam and Eve wearing fig leafs was kind of a hoot. The line, "have I got a plague for you if you don't let my people go." Probably keep Moses laughing on Mt. Sinai with God a for awhile.

Happy Easter, Passover or whatever God holiday you may be celebrating.

So be it and Amen too!

Just thinking.

Mavis is a lady and has blond hair. Then all ladies named Mavis have blond hair.

Which could be true, because I don't know too many ladies named Mavis. In fact I don't know anyone named Mavis with or without blond hair. I just made up the name because I was thinking about the above brain question that is suppose to help me think rationally. So, since I do not know any Mavis's let me rewrite the question.

Today George Bush is president of the United States. Today all the presidents of the United States are named George Bush.

Got myself again I think.

John is a human being and alive. All people named John will live until they die.

Ok. I know that this is not making sense again.

Well! So much for rational thinking. What I am trying to do is get myself to not fall into a trap. The trap would be something that would relate someone to one thing and then relating that one thing to everyone else, or not.

What can I say this is what insomnia does to me sometimes. I write confusing thoughts when I am tired. Therefore anyone who is tired and writes without sleep can write scattered thoughts.

I give up. Have a nice day and if you figure out what I am trying to say, please drop me a note. One more thing if you meet anyone named Mavis let me know if she has blond hair. Thanks.

Easter Parade

I like parades. As a young child I remember the song, "Easter Parade." A great little tune about spring and people dressing up and, well, it was just a joyfull little song. I thought about this while watching a movie about a Serial Killer in Korea.

In this movie, the people in this town in Korea, were lined up to see a parade come by with their president in it. It reminded me of the parades we see in New York around Easter, St. Patrick's day and other parade occasions. They, the Korean people, all looked happy standing around waiting for this president to come. The year was around 1983 or 1986. I am not sure but around that time. I did not know if it was North or South Korea. Just Korea.

Anyway.

Someone yells here comes the president. All of a sudden they show a lone armored vehicle coming down the street and everyone starts to yell, throw rocks and flaming bottles at the armored vehicle. It had everything a parade would have had except I did not see the balloon vendor that usually hangs around parades. So after the parade I do not know if the kids got balloons or not.

Now, here in the U.S.A. we don't normally throw rocks or flaming bottles, but then again the president is rarely in any of the parades anyway. Yes, and we do have a balloon vendor.

So I was just thinking about other countries that have parades and what their parades are usually like. Different cultures, different traditional parade activities I guess.

So tell me about your parade traditions. I really would not mind hearing about them.

Oh! Don't forget not to Passover Easter, thanks.

Veteran Health Care

How to navigate the Veteran Health Care System for Disabled Veterans and Veterans that use the Veteran Health Care System.

For 911 emergencies. The Veterans calls the hospital then puts on his old uniform. The Veteran then must lay in his or her yard and scream MEDIC at the top of his lungs until help arrives. Once the helicopter comes the veteran will firmly secure him/herself into the basket.

For regular appointments the veterans must get there early. The veteran will be waited on by other disabled veterans who are hard of hearing, a little blind, with a touch of arthritis, to wait on all Veterans.

After standing in line for about 5 to 10 minutes or an hour. The Veteran can talk to the other Veteran patients. Most Veterans swap war stories about the Korean War, World War II, WWI, Vietnam, Civil and Spanish American Wars.

Grenada, Panama, Desert Storm and Iraq War Veterans are considered rookies and will learn the proper way to enhance their experiences by listening to the above Veterans stories of older conflicts.

Veterans in wheel chairs are the best people for information about past altercations with other countries. Notice how Veterans argue and disagree about their outfits, units, companies, ships, etc. they served in. Common arguments consist of how their duty stations were more dangerous than anyone else's. Sometimes wheel chair Veterans play chicken in their wheel chairs to settle arguments in the hallways. This is especially interesting because usually their legs have no feeling and the crashes they create are better than the ones in NASCAR.

It is also not uncommon to see people on crutches arguing with the wheel chair Vets and sometimes they end up pulling the air tubes out of each others machines.

Be aware that a young woman is usually not a nurse but a relative of the Veteran helping him spend his benefit monies.

If a Veteran argues with a receptionist, secretary, doctor or nurse. The security staff will intervene and the Veteran must wait an extra hour for his medication in the Pharmacy. If the Veterans causes a serious situation he must return his meds and come back the next day to retrieve them from the Pharmacy.

No VA Doctor is an American Citizen. Most are all interns training to be doctors. Sometimes the doctor is a Veteran of the same War the Veteran was in, but unfortunately the doctor was on the side the Veteran was fighting against. So it is with the up-most importance that the Veterans be friendly to all senior medical personnel.

The Veterans should be able to understand Eastern, Asian, European and the language the Doctors from India speak.

The Veteran does not have to worry about parking in handicapped spaces because all the parking spaces are handicapped.

In Pennsylvania, Transportation is provided to all veterans with cancer to go to Philadelphia and New York and get treatment. The local VA hospitals do not provide these services so be prepared to travel 3 to 4 hours one way for a half hour treatment. The bus usually leaves for NY or Philadelphia at 5 or 6 in the morning and then leaves NY or Philadelphia 4 or 5 in the afternoon. This is so that the Veteran will be tired and sleep in the bus so Veteran will be quiet for the entire trip. Extra medication is given for the return trip.

In a waiting room at the Va hospital never ever assume that the Veteran sitting next to you is sleeping. Check his pulse every 10 or so minutes to be sure he is not having a heart attack or stroke.

Veterans with behavioral problems and are a constant annoyance to staff will be automatically sent to the Walter Reed Facility.

Enjoy your stay at the VA and remember that there are HMO's out there that could be far worse.

Loss for words

The strange and wonderous thing about life is that it is strange and wonderous. Bizzare and wierd can be thrown into the mix or recipe of life, I suppose. Which can be amusing to some and horrific to others.

Life goes on the way life goes on. We turn the clocks back in Autumn and ahead in or near Spring. Why? Why not everyone else does. If we don't, it would just make our lives difficult and we would never be on time.

That is not what I am writing about. I wanted to write something profound, funny and important enough for people to remember my words. I failed.

I did learn that it is important to not just empty the frozen food bag of food into the bowl and then nuke it in a microwave. I learned to check the bag because the gravy is in another bag inside the original bag. That little gravy bag has to be thawed then opened and mixed in with the frozen vegetables and frozen meat or pasta then cooked. I forgot about that little gravy bag and nuked everything all together. The little gravy bag melted a little and well, I should not have eaten it. I now prefer the flu to food poisoning any day.

Maybe next time I can write something profound, funny and important. Until then I am going to stick to fast foods like McDonald's, pizza, or sandwich places like Subway for awhile and forget the frozen foods.

Any one else out there have food stories, feel free to share with me. I also learned before you cook a turkey. You have to take out a bag that has a neck and stuff in it before cooking that hidden bag also.

Days to delete.

Did you ever enter a swim meet and loose your swimming trunks during the race? Did you ever walk your daughter down the isle when she got married and find out afterwords that your zipper was wide open? Did you ever stand in a tree stand while hunting. Shoot a double barrel shot gun and end up laying under the tree stand in pain? Did you ever enter a bar the next day after a night of drinking and everyone stands up and gives you a standing ovation? Did you ever pull over for an ambulance while driving. Light up a not so legal smoke, roll down the window and blow smoke into the State Troopers face that just pulled you over for running a stop sign?

I have.

These are the days I would have liked to delete in my life. Unfortunately the memories of these experiences pop up like pimples on the end of my nose; in my brain now and then. Memories I really don't like to remember, but there they are.

I have stopped drinking and smoking, over 17 years now, but still things continue to happen. I have lost jobs by joking with my bosses. Like the time I told my boss how much fun it was sneaking stuff past the guards, while working in a prison. The time I chased an Austic child threw the woods. He did not like to wear clothes, took them all off and streaked thru his neighborhood. As I tried to catch him and get him redressed the Security Guards watched and thought I was chasing him for criminal reasons.

Did you ever have one of those days? Please let me know. Hopefully it will cheer me up knowing I am not the only one who has had days that need to be deleted, changed, forgotten, fixed or just wished never happened.

Certified 100% Normal.

I hate it when someone takes my picture. I hate it more when they take the picture; make Wanted Posters of it and then put it in the Post Office. I hate it because strange people point at me and make rude comments and I end up usually telling the police I have friends with a sick sense of humour. My friends do things like this, because I don't forward their stupid emails and they end up having bad luck. That is what I hate. Today anyway.

I use to work in the Mental Health field. I enjoyed being with them. Like Autistic Children. They seem to me to just live in different rooms than us, in their minds, most of the time. Sometimes you end up in the same room some times you don't. They see things differently than "normal" people that is all. Like when I tried to talk to them or something. I felt like they were seeing me as a talking pickle or something. Now who in their right mind would listen to a talking pickle? Not me. So why should they?

It is the same way with Schizophrenic type people. Like one child asked me. If I talk to God like what you call, praying. Why isn't it OK when he talks to me?

Then there is the Downs Syndrome child that thought people without round faces and eyes looked ugly and scary to him. Plus they actually got married and had babies. How could they do that to each other? He asked me once.

See. Strange but true. The old question, "Just what the hell is normal any way?" Well I sure as heck don't know. That is enough for now I got to take my Prozac, which I take while having my special smoke for my failing eyesight. Now it's time to do something special with some pictures of my friends.

Against all medical advise.

Why don't we just shorten Valentines Day to just, "Hey Honey happy V.D.!" Then give up the kisses and flowers?

Which is why I was thinking about depression.

It seems that on Holidays people get depressed. On Valentines day because they have no Valentine, on Christmas because their family hates them, or on Presidents day because their credit cards are maxed out. Whatever, people get depressed.

It is because of this I think we need an official National Depression Day. We can't call it a holiday because holidays are suppose to be fun. So maybe we can call it a Un-holiday or Non-holiday.
To make it legal we can just call it a National Sick Day, or Breakdown Day or some kind of Mental Breakdown Day.

On this day we should recognize depression and make the most of it. Stay in bed all day, unless staying in bed makes us happy. So we need to do things that make us depressed all day. Now this may sound like it is against all medical advise, and it is. But, I think there could be benefits. Like after being depressed for 24 hours, maybe the day after the Depression Day might make us think. Well today has to be better than being depressed for 24 hours. It is just a thought.

What if I was going somewhere and someone else got there before I did. What if I did not know the person who got there first? That would make me wonder, "Did they go there for the same reason or some other reason?" They might be wondering something too.

Well that just makes me think that if the Depression Day doesn't work out maybe the Paranoia day would.

WYOU for You

The Super Bowl is over and I was watching Criminal Minds on CBS. I got involved in the show and then right when the last few minutes of the show was ready to end. The local TV Station, that advertises WYOU is the Station for You, cut off the ending of Criminal Minds and switched to a local show that people called in to vote for their favorite Super Bowl commercial. It was worse than the time I was right at the peak of a sex act when I found out we parked on train tracks and a train was coming instead of me or her.

So in an apology to David Letterman, but in honor of CBS I wrote the Top 10 things that should be done to the people that cut off the last few minutes of Criminal Minds.

10. Terminate the idots without any severance pay.
9. Transfer them to the Weather Channel.
8. Make them inventory products on one of those 24-hour shows that sells things.
7. They cannot have any more Texas Wieners or pizza for lunch.
(Big things for lunch in my area.)
6. They cannot turn right on a red light when driving.
5. They must be displayed in a stockade in front of the CBS building.
4. Make them ride the Subways in NY wearing only a thong.
3. Have them clean the false teeth for all employees of CBS for 1 year.
2. Make them watch all the Super Bowl commercials from Super Bowl I to
Super Bowl XLI, XLI times.
1. Have them die horrible deaths on all the CSI shows.

If you can think of more feel free to add on. I would not have been so mad but I am a Raiders fan and it was tough enough watching the game without them. Then to cut off Criminal Minds, sorry ref throws a big red flag to WYOU on this one.

Miscast Movies

I think Michael Jackson would have made a better Willie Wonka than Johnny Depp. I also think that Howard Stern would make a great "Spiderman" and Macaully Culkin would be super in "Hannible Rising".

(Please note that some of the names/words in this post may be spelled incorrectly because I do not know how to spell them. They are real entertainers nonetheless).

My reasoning is that actors that are closer in real life to the characters might pull better box office sales.

Like Howard Stern, for instance, pulls people into his web with his new Satellite Radio stuff. Michael and Macaully should be self explanitatory.

I just noticed that "Flyboys" looks like a remake of "Hells Angels"" made by Howard Hughes. This is ok because when Howard made that movie it was like one of the first talking pictures. Also because most of the people who saw the original "Hells Angels" are dead anyway. Even the people that made the "Hells Angel" movie have mostly passed. I only realized this because I just watched the "Aviator." Leo Dicaprio did do a good job, in the "Aviator", but maybe John Travolta could have given it a shot. Provided maybe John T. died in that crash that hit the houses during the test flight. Then again I also like Jack Black as Howard Hughes, now Jack is really crazy.

As for actresses, don't get me started. Rosie O'Donnel in the "Piano" forget about it. Barbara Walters, great Nanny McPhee. These are just a few of my ideas that popped into my head.

I am writing this fast because I was just diagnosed with adult ADD. So I have to get it down before I get distracted and begin writing about something else.

Which reminds me I have to forward some emails before I get bad luck. Like I don't have enough bad luck already with some pain in the butt sending me emails about God. If I don't forward them something will happen to me that will be worse than what happened to Sodom and Gomorrah. Which is something I don't want to get myself into.

That bible stuff really gets to me, you know.

First Ghost?

Who became the first ghost? The bible's first death was when Cain killed Able. Aparently God did not work death into his creations because he had to ask Cain where his brother was. Able did not lie very well and God discovered what happened. He punished Cain and possibly forgot about Able and so Able became a ghost. Then God went on creating and Adam and Eve died and as the years went on so did a lot of other people. Now God either began recycling everybody, as some religions decided, or he just did not know what to do with dead people spirits. I say spirits because the dead people kept popping up now and then to scare the heck out of living people, or vica versa, and well somebody in history named them spirits.

Civilizations became somewhat civilized and noticed that these spirits were bothersome and some one thought up an after life. The rituals and stuff started, which was better than letting the dead body lay around stinking in the sun all day.

Then Jesus came along and the whole resurrection idea began to take hold. Now these so called spirits had a place to go. Unfortunately not all of them knew about resurrection stuff or Jesus, and did not know where to go.

Some other religious leaders did not want Jesus to have a monopoly on death and all kinds of ideas of heaven and hell began to become more and more plausable to all kinds of peoples all over the place.

Today dead people look for a light or something, but still some get lost and are stuck in buildings or places which are very old.

There are people that say they can talk to the dead and help them get to where ever it is one is suppose to go after one dies. You would think that when some of the people died that could talk to these dead people. That maybe after they died, they would be more helpful once they also became dead. Like Moses I would think they could get those previouosly dead people to follow them up and out to the light or where ever.

It must have something to do with memory because after all we do still have spirits.

So unless before one dies there is some one to tell them something like. "OK you are dying now. So don't forget to just leave and not hang around being a pesky spirit. Ok?" Then the problem is solved, at least for the one that knows he/she is dying. If one dies suddenly then it's a crap shoot?

Still who was the first ghost and why? Which brings me to another question. Did the cavemen come before or after Adam and Eve?

There been again

Reruns on TV are one thing. Remakes of old movies are another. Rewrites of old books may have new covers but the same words. Repeats in life? Now that is another series of films that seems to re-collide into pages of memories.

I was watching the new Willie Wonka film that turned out to be the old Willie Wonka film with a new licorice twist, so to speak. I liked the old one better. Which brought me to write about life and going thru the real Old Willies and pondering the New Willies of reality.

When I was young, radio and television was young along with record players and mail that people actually wrote, put into envelopes then stamped with a little spit. The new old cliche of people my age really did not last long. Past generations dwelt in the past for generations after generations. My generation progressed so fast, in the last 100 years, that new thoughts and ideas only last a week or less. Sometimes not even a day!

That is the way it is suppose to be. Today anyway.

Things are going by so swiftly that paragraphs are reduced to a sentence or two.

History is repeating itself. Only faster. With so much going on so quickly the norm seems to be Attention Deficit Disorders gone wild. Our synapses are firing so many times that they cannot keep up with themselves making fried brains to be the breakfast of the future.

This is good.

Finally the 90% of our brains that have been dead the last million or so years are beginning to wake up.

Unless. Maybe every million or so years our brains will grow another 10% for a 100 or so years. Then they will hibernate and go back to sleep for another million or so years. If that happens how many remakes of Willie Wonka can we stand? How many Lucy, Sienfield, or Saturday Night Live reruns can we handle? Will the same books keep rolling off the presses with new covers and the same words?

Wait a minute. A generation only really lasts for a hundred or so years then it dies out. So why am I bothering to write about this now. Well I am 54. That means if I live to be 100..................
Damn that is still a lot of reruns. remakes and rebooks I have to live thru.

I promise I will only write this once. So pay attention please. I am starting a redo revolution.

Unless I get paid for them.

How will you rethink all this?

Words

Well my Sad dam blog did not go over too big. I am wondering why only the guards were allowed to bring their cell phones to the hanging though?

Whatever!

I was thinking about words today. Since I use them a lot it was easy to think about them.
I was at this New Years Eve party and the people there were talking about words that seemed innocent but had sexual or other meanings. The word that was the subject of conversation was.
twat.

There seemed to be three meanings to this word.

1. Twat: Sound made when one snaps their thumb and finger into the side of some ones head when they do or say something stupid.

2. Twat: Someone who is dumb or stupid.

3. Twat: Part of the female body that babies exit from.

I guess there are other words that have this same problem. Like when someone says they have tennis balls or a football or play baseball. No one really makes a fuss. Forget the sport part and just say balls and a snicker or two arises. Sometimes the snicker has those hidden smiles behind them like someone is talking dirty and you know it but are hiding it.

How do we explain these words to our children and grandchildren? If one is caught talking about this stuff to children, child services or the moral and legal police might get involved. So must we keep quiet and hope young Harry or Sylvia, young children with big eavedropping ears, tells our kids for us? In my case I had 5 older sisters and was the reference guide for many young boys my age who had a lot of questions. Little did they know I was as much in the dark as they but did have first hand knowledge of bras and girdles because of the secret clothes line in our bathroom.

So what words confuse or have confused you. Please list a few here and explain. There are people out there like me that really need to know.

Thanks.

Even words from our Spanish, Asian, European or Alien friends from outer space are welcome.