Friday, December 03, 2004

Friday - Jobless -hopeless

If I had to describe my life in a word it would be "Unreality!" That is to say the world I believe in does not exist. My expectations were molded as I grew up. I learned certain things as a child, mixed them up as an adolesent, tested my theories as a young adult and finally concluded that unreality is the concept of my reality. Life seems to change in a moment. A loved one dies too young, as an enemy lingers on forever. What can be planned is planned but the result is that some other cosmic plan occurs that was never even thought about. For example. I love "Rolling Stone" Magazine. For years I wanted to be published in this Magazine. I tried to write articles and do music reviews, made up stories, whatever. Then I finally concluded that I had no talent to write for "Rolling Stone." Until one day I read an article that moved me. Every fiber of my molecular self knew that, my "Letter to the Editor of Rolling Stone" had a very slim chance of being read, and that my self indulgent opinion would never be published. Thus my plan was to amuse myself by writing my opinion and my reality was the satisfaction that I had written.
The "Unreality" that happened was that my opinion was published by Rolling Stone, and my employer read it and subsequently fired me. Thus I was plagued by the feeling that I was on top of the world for being published and the counter feeling that a bothched suicide was about to take shape. This has been only one of a series of "Unreality" in my life. It may not matter to no one but me. My plan is that it won't but that I can just blog along as I damn well please writing about the ureality of my life.

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