Friday, May 26, 2006

Dear Diary

I write myself a diary and do a blog and sometimes I get them mixed up. Lately I have been blogging more than diarying. Which is close to saying I have a bowl disorder. It is more of a writing disorder though. I am in one of those writer's block moods today.
It is because I have been cursing my cursor lately. You know that little line that seems to be ahead of every letter that is typed on a computer page or link or whatever. Which is another thing that is bothering me. Why is it called a link? A page is a page because it is written on paper. A link? Now that is confusing to me since link is a golfers term. I am not hitting a little ball around when I type what I think. I pound the keys, so maybe like a boxer we could call it a ring instead of a link. I think that would make more sense. Yep! I am typing in the rink as I pound my computer keys. English and words in English and word meanings have always confused me. I was good in the bin with Ben who has been kissing Jen on her bean. Bin, Ben, Been, and Jen is not confusing to anyone else but me. Especially since Jen turned out to be a man. Which is ok with Ben but not me, even though Ben turned out to be the girl. I am not prejudice but only queezy in that man on man lip thing. Now what has that to do with English? It is that some words in the English language are considered masculine and some feminine. Where do the gay words come in? What are the gay words in English? Why do I keep getting homosexual, bisexual and heterosexual mixed up? Why can't we just be sexual? I think homo means one, bi means a couple but how many is hetero?
I'd like someone to straighten this out, but being straight offends some people. So I guess I must stay bent? Whereas getting bent is some kind of insult, which I never understood what the hell that meant either. Now I heard that English is going to be the official language of the USA. I was brought up in an Irish, German, Polish family, and neighborhood, in the wonderful state of Pennsylvania. I went to Boston and they speak different than Pennsylvanians. We have trouble with the word roof, they in Boston, have trouble parking their cars. Are dialects or southern people going to get fined or arrested for having an accent? What accent is the proper USA English one? North, South, East or West one? I guess that will be the next bill the congress or senate will have to debate an pass now. I am confused about the Turkey and Eagle also. If the Eagle is our national bird why do we have a special holiday for the Turkey? I don't want to eat an Eagle, but we should have an Eagle day. The fourth of July doesn't count because we fly flags not Eagles. It would be bad to tie an Eagle to a pole then wave it around. After re-reading this I am also convinced that maybe having writers block might have been better than writing this after all!

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Most frightening words in the world are..............

"I am a Christian."
Now, maybe they are not the most frightening words in the world but they sure make me run down the street when someone approaches me. I am not an over religious person. I do go to church every Sunday, well, actually, the late evening one on Saturday. I believe in God and I am a Christian. I am amazed that I can break the Ten Commandments, and I have. All I have to do is ask God to forgive me and he will. Like Father Guido says, God gives us $14.35 for each day we live and when we die we have to pay for our sins with the cash we earned while we were alive. I believe that too! As for me when someone breaks my own Ten Commandments then I have a hard time forgiving them. Now I believe each of us has our own Ten Commandments, which we have made up, that our friends and family must follow. I have never put them in writing and believe me they change a lot, which is why I could never write them in stone. Just think a minute. If you had to write the 10 Commandments what would you write? A non-smoker might make people not smoke around them as a commandment for instance. A smoker might make it a commandment to let people smoke where ever they wanted. So what would yours be? Today mine would be:

1. Thou shalt never say anything bad about me, ever, even if you want to.
2. Thou shalt remember my birthday and also give me presents for my birthday, on Christmas and candy for Easter.
3. Thou shalt let me take a day off from work any time I want, and pay me for it.
4. Honour my father and mother by lying to them when you see me doing something bad and they ask about it.
5. Thou shalt not hurt me or kill me. Even if I piss you off real bad.
6. Thou shalt not try to date or go to bed with anyone I like. Believe me Jesse James is in big trouble since he married Sandra Bullock.
7. Thou shalt not steal from me or borrow anything from me I already stole or borrowed from you.
8. Thou shalt not lie about me to my face, behind my face or if my face isn't around, but put up with my tall tales about you.
9. Thou shalt remember that this commandment is whatever comes to my mind at the time you are not listening to me.
10. These commandments can only be changed by me and obeyed by you. So, don't duplicate them for your own use.

On second thought maybe I should let God handle the commandments.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Hey you, you, you and you?

I met a person that had many personalities and knew every one. When at a party, that person had a personality, that was the life of the party. When at a funeral that person slipped into a morner. When at a sports event the fan emerged. When in work the perfect worker clocked in right on time. This person could blend in well in any event by changing personalities to fit the situation. Each personality actually had a name. Some of the personalities had nicknames to fit the situation. For example in Church the name was a saintly one. In the supermarket the name was an impatient one while waiting in line. The personalities were so different that if one got in trouble the others would come to the aid of the distressed one. This person was single, because there was always plenty of company inside the personality lounge that lived in the brain that housed all these personalities. Each personality took responsibility for the actions acted out in the situations it emerged in. If some person, who worked with the work personality, happened to see the supermarket personality the next time in work they would say to the work personality, "Hey I saw you at the supermarket the other day." The then work personality would say, "Yes and I saw you but I wasn't myself." Which was true in a sense.

Friday, May 12, 2006

It's just that.............

I decided to talk in circles the other day to someone and found out that even though I did and could, I really did not get or go anywhere. I wasn't in a physical circle but in a room sitting in one chair and the person I was talking to was sitting in another. I don't write in my blog everyday but think about the people that don't read it constantly. What exactly are they reading? Maybe I don't blog well or have the wrong concept of a blog? It didn't matter much that that black cat almost crossed my path. The cat stopped looked over its shoulder at me then decided not to cross my path but go back underneath the porch it came sauntering out of. That is why my favorite ride of all rides is the Merry-Go-Round. I loved those wooden painted horses when I was a kid. The way they went up and down and around in that circle was great. I pretended I was Roy Rodgers or Gene Audry picking off bandits and robbers being spotted when passing those people over and over again. Of course the ice cream wasn't that bad either. What is it with circles? People draw them on paper, in the dirt with sticks, in the air with their fingers or just fill them in with their pencils when reading a boring article in school. Planets circle, stars circle, circles circle. In a round about way of course. Which brings me back to my original circle of talking; or in this case writing in circles. Which is not true. I did not draw a circle around my computer then sit in the middle of it and type away. I just imagined it. I like making circles with my arms around special people then drawing them into me ending up with a hug. That's a nice circle. Want one?

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Suicide Bomber Training Camp

I was interested to hear that the terrorists are running out of Suicide Bombers. I guess the problem is that they are all committing suicide. The Japaneese had the same problem during WWII, so you would think the terrorists would have learned. Then I found out that one of the instructors was captured. Maybe the students turned him in. I talked about this at an AA meeting (Alcoholics Annonymous) and began wondering if the Suicide Bombers have meetings. For example, "Hello! My name is Abu and I am a Suicide Bomber. I have been a bomber for 30 days. I just cannot seem to get on that bus. I get near the bus, but just cannot get on it." The advice could be, "Just don't think about it. Once on the bus you'll be fine. The air conditioners rarely work so it is unbearably hot and stickey. The driver is always in a bad mood and will probably make trouble for you if you don't have the right change. The bus will be overcrowded and stinkey. Believe me by the time you find a seat you will be happy to pull the cord on the knapsack and blow all those infidels and yourself up!"

Then there is the school itself. First off no seats because the classes are short. You probably go in and they take roll call. Then the terrorist teacher shows the students a knapsack with a cord that blows up the knapsack after you pull the cord.
The cord is probably color coded so you can easily identify it. There are possibly two cords a primary and a back up like a parachute. The terrorist teacher says something like, "Put on the knapsack and pull the primary (Red) cord after you get on the bus or find a seat in the lunch place or simply blend into a group of infidels. If the primary (red) cord doesn't work pull the secondary (green) cord. Some people like to pull the both cords at once because that usually gaurantees a successful explosion and you get double the virgins." Then they sign papers designating what family member gets the insurance once they blow themselves up.

There probably is a graduation with robes because even in the states students that graduate only wear the robes once. Finally the surviving relative can give the graduation robe to one of the females in the family so she can have a new dress.