Saturday, June 16, 2007

Together with oneself

Did you ever feel alone when you are with people by yourself? This happens to me sometimes. I am with people but feel I am isolated from them even though I am sitting with them at the same kitchen table. This feeling often arises when I am with couples and I am uncoupled and with no one but me. Sometimes the couples are fighting with each other or one couple is fighting and me and the other couple are watching and listening and sometimes no one is really talking and that thunderous silence is storming around the kitchen. Even with all that happening I still feel outside and not really present with others sometimes. I do have conversations with all the people there, but feel more comfortable petting the dog or cat that happens to live in the home I am visiting. Little babies and kids are good because I don't really have to converse or seem intelligent with them. All I have to do is pay them a little attention and they are happy.

I do like being with people. I like parties when there are a lot of people around because I like to watch and listen to what is going on and I like all the distractions that are happening all at once.

When it finally comes down to it, I guess I could be happy by myself in a space station out in outer space also. I like my solitude and my time alone. I am a good hermit at times but I do like having a pet around. I am better with cats but a friendly ol mutt is fun to have around.

I would not be good being famous and have 'groupies' and 'people' around me. I probably would feel more isolated having to deal with hang around crowds.

Fortunately I am just me with a pleasant number of good friends. Even though I feel like I do sometimes, those times with my friends in their kitchen are still the best no matter how I feel.


Lynn said...

I too feel alone when I am alone or with other people. For me I think it is just a product of me being an only child. I love solitude. I don't mind my own company at all. But I do feel that I am in some kind of lone bubble that travels with me wherever I go. As I am older I realize there are things I will never understand, like the relationship between brothers and sisters.
Even when alone I don't feel lonely though.

S u n d a n c e said...

I often feel alone in groups too. Not in a depressing way, just a different kind of fish than the school. We run into each other once in a while.